His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
