I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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