So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
