So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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