sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
