Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
