Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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