Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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