I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
