u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
