I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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