i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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