I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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