I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
