wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
