Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
