He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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