my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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