Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
