Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
