if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
