Farmville is her only friend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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