haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
