so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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