I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
