If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need to calm my uterus...
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