I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im calling her cock vulture from now on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
