I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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