she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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