I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
