They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
