In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
