i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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