i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
