I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
