i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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