I have demons in me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
