Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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