Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
