I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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