i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize