allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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