It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
