the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
