Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
