in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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