A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
