I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize