I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
