Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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