You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
