just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
