you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
