You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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