I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize