plz talk dirty to me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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