The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
