she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
