Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
