Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
