The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
