You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
