I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
