She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
