How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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