do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
