I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Randomize
