ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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