i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
