my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
