I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
