yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
