i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize