Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
