Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
