I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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