Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
