Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
