Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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