Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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