tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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