Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
