im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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