no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize