i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
