you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
