Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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