Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
