Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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