is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
