If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
