smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
