I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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