I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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