I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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