I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How does one acquire holy water?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize