I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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