1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
