i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
