HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
