Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
