Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
