you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
