This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
