we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
