apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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