You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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