Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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