Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
