i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
