I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
