...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
3 2 1 whiskey
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
