jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
