Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
As shirtless as possible
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
