I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
