she looked like the before picture.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
