someone owes me an orgasm
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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