i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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