just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
